A Tribute To A Figment Of My Memory

(Our most recent family photo taken on 7th June 08, right before she fell ill in Aug)

Heartfelt thanks for all the condolences. If you did not received a personal 'thank you' sms from me, I wish to take this opportunity to thank once again, all those of you who have send condolence sms. Thank you very much.

(a monochromatic Samsung)

I was stucked with a 'mono' colour old mobile phone for the past few days cause my own ran out of battery and it's kinda hard to re-learn the function of a 'dinosour-age' phone. If you did received my replies, it is most probably all in CAPS, and just to let you know I am not shouting. It's just that I don't know how to un-cap it. When I replied one of Harrison's sms, he asked, 'what's with the capital???'. I replied, 'I don't know how to use the fucking phone' and he replied that I put a smile on his face. I think he is a bit ku-ku... Anyway, whatever it is, the phone has been my saviour to be connected to the outside world (this sentence is meant for Unc Lester cause the spare phone belongs to him). Must be appreciative... :p

(this is how she look whenever she up to some mischief)

The past few days since PP's passing, it has been nothing but choas despite of we kind of already expected it to happen. We spent some time by PP's side after she took her last breath, before an undertaker was called upon. After that, all that I remembered was everything about the funeral - the prayer ceremony, incense, paper house & misc offerings, drinks, collection of pak kum, mourning attire, breakfast lunch dinner + supper arrangement, payments and etc... I took it upon myself to handle all these cause mom is kinda in her own world, she need time to grief.

On that faithful morning, I was rudely awaken by a loudy banging on our room door... "gladys...! gladys...! quick....!". All I remembered was, I practically sprinted out from the bed over Harrison, to PP's room groggily. PP's eyes were wide opened (which is rare these days) as if she was surprised. At that moment, I wasn't exactly sure what it was all about. I thought it was because PP was awake, that's why. Only when I noticed how heavily she was breathing, the thought of her time is up crossed my mind. There I stood, by her side, helding her hand and patting it gently at the same time telling her to let go and be at peace. That we'll all be alright and not to worry about us. Also, I told her... "PP... don't be afraid. Peng2 is here. All will be alright. Just go if you need to"... (Peng2 is my pet name called by my family) couple of seconds later, she let out her last breath.

(relaxing while we sorting out the wedding details)

It was a good farewell for me. I am both happy and sad. Happy cause her suffering finally ended and sad cause we have to learn to live our life without her from now on. It all seems so surreal that she have been bed-ridden for the last couple of months. All that I can remember is all the happy moments together. The holidays we took, the places we went, the joke we shared, the look on her face when she is up to some mischief like hiding my stuff, or tickling me when I am asleep.

(we always teased her of her nutty proffesor's hairstyle....)

I believed that in life, we don't need to try too hard sometimes. Whatever that is meant to be, will be. All these while, I have been worrying that she will passed away alone without having any family members by her side. It torn my heart just thinking about it. But somehow, strangely, of all her 33 descendants, I am one of the selected few that has the opportunity. I am just so glad.

(PP's siblings)

PP has always been a very strong person. From the day she was born, till the day she passed away. She is the fourth among her 6 siblings. When she was born 75 years ago, she was left under the bed to die. Cause she is a daughter and times were really bad then. She survived.

(together with her babies)

After she was married to my grandfather, life was hard too. They were very poor and were struggling to bring up 6 children. I remembered she once have to steal a can of condensed milk just so that she can dilute it in water to feed her children. PP worked very hard to help my grandfather in whatever way she could to make a living. My grandfather would carry his curry noodle stall over his shoulder during the day and PP would set up a stall by the street at night to sell fried kuoy teow. All that I can say is that, thoughout her lifetime, through all the hardship, she never once complain. She would just work and work. Despite of all these, she still managed to keep the house tidy and sparkling clean. That's my PP.

(PP smiling happily enjoying the atmosphere of our wedding day)

Life got better eventually. I still remembered how I ended up in Kluang and not Singapore. Mom was divorced when I was barely 1 year old. She was struggling to take care of me and work at the same time in Singapore. On one our faithful visit to my grandparents in Kluang when I was about 4 years old, in the evening, at my grandparents' hawker stall, when we were about to go back to Singapore, PP said to me, "why not you stay here with me, I'll take you to the playground everyday". That's how I ended up in Kluang. The 'playground'. Since that evening, every evening for a month I think, PP never failed to take me to the playground.

(I love this one)

When I was in primary school, every Saturday morning, still in her pyjamas, she would drive me to school for POL class (chinese subject). When the class is over, I would find her waiting for me at the carpark underneath a huge canopy tree, fully make-up and dressed in one of her pretty dress. We would then go to her favourite hair salon and have her hair done nicely. Despite of her hectic schedule, she always find time for facials & doing up her hair. Or whenever we go out, she never failed to put some make up on. Those days, she uses only Shiseido & Kanebo ok..no joke. Even after when she gotten her first stroke and her hands were feeble, she would still apply foundation, pressed on powder, pink rouge on her cheeks, eyebrows, eyeshadows and lipstick. I remember how I used to touch up for her, whatever that went offline, whenever she is here to visit. Yes, we gather that she is vain, and we got it from her. Cause we are equally vain.

(3 generations - 2 mothers, 2 daughters)

She used to love going to the cinema too. She would finished off whatever work she needs to do as early as possible, and go for a movie. After that, we would go to this alley next to the cinema for Uncle Tu Tu's yong tau foo (he is known as Tu Tu, dont ask me why...). It was nice. She loves fishballs, kangkung, cuttlefish & fried pork skin.

I am very much like PP. We are similar in many ways. Maybe cause we are together most of the time, somehow, my likes influence hers' or vice versa. I love the cakes at 'Milky Way' cake shop, so does she. I love sweet & sour pork & lemon chicken, she too. She loves everything to be in order and neat, so did I. She loves to throw out unneccesary junks, so did I.
***

Our PP is a very easy going person. Not fussy at all. She will eat whatever we ordered. She will go wherever we brings her. She would wear whatever we bought for her. I remembered how one of my aunty would always buy really bright colour clothes for her and she would frown, but she will still wears it. I once bought her a piece of cloth with leopard print, and she got it made into a samfu. She loves it.

For the past couple of months, eventhough everything else in her body was giving up, her heart still beats so very strongly. Despite of just being fed nutrient milk through her nose, she survived 4 long months. Like I said, she was a strong woman, right from the start, till the end.
***

We have lots of good happy memories spent with her. Like our Genting trip 14 years ago where she bought me a teddy that I loved. Or when we were strolling by Lake Toba 18 years ago looking at small fishes. Or when we were laughing histerically in a farmhouse in Perth in 1995 when a friend who never used a camera in her entire life were asked to snap a photo of us. Or when she joined us for a swim in the pool during the 1993's Christmas spent at Cornwall Garden. The one that she enjoyed the most was the Virgo Cruise which we went couple of years ago. We wheeled her all over the cruise and she loved it. Or when I covered her greys with henna mixture which she insisted that it was too thick, I went on anyway. She just laughed. It was nice. Really nice.

***

After her passing, still on her bed, mom called the regular Malay nurse who used to clean & changes PP's wounds' dressing to inform her of the demised. The kind nurse came to the house shortly, removed and cleaned all wounds. She even reapply medicine on PP's bedsore and cover it with a new dressing. We were all very grateful. Nurses like her are very rare these days. May God bless her kindness.

Mom & one of my aunty wiped & cleaned her after that. They dressed her in one of her favourite clothes underneath the gold colour longevity robes which the undertaker brought. She looks so serene & peaceful. Freed of all her sufferings finally. Instead of having the undertaker doing her make up, mom & I did it for her. Just the way she likes it. She looked so pretty.