Yes? No? Can? How?

It's strange. I don't seems to have anything to blog about this entire week. Kind of like going thru some mental block or something. Just don't feel like blogging. Absolutely nothing to blabber.

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I was startled from my slumber this morning by a phone call from my mom. She confirmed the worst. The doctor wants to amputate both of PP's feet. How sad can that be? It is the worst cause I would rather received news of her passing than this. Judging from PP's condition, there is no way that she will recover. Her sugar level can no longer be controlled by insulin. Her average glucose reading is 16. Her kidneys is giving way and she is totally paralysed. She would probably have another month or two (I think). What's the point of putting her thru another trauma? Another agonising pain?

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According to the doctor, if we do not wish to go ahead with the amputation, PP will be discharged from the hospital as there is nothing more the doctors can do. The doctor also suggested that we should put PP up in a nursing home cause there will be qualified nurses to take care of her and tend to her wounds.

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The thing is, being a Chinese and raised with all the filial piety values, it is hard for us to do this. How can we send PP no nursing home? How can we stand the thought of her all alone, by herself, surrounded by people she don't even know? Can we?

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But then, come to this stage, it is no longer whether can we or not. It's more for her comfort. We have to make decision on what is good for her. If we send her to a nursing home, she will be professionally taken care of and we can visit her anytime we want. It will be good for her. But then again, she might wanna spend the remaining days of her life at home, with people she love. How?

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The best would be to hire a nurse and take care of her at home. But that gonna cost quite a lot of money which nobody are willing to share. Sigh...

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Probably its because of all these that I don't have a mood to blog this entire week...