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Friday, January 4, 2008

That familiar miserable feeling...

As I was browsing from blog to blog getting updated with all the on-goings, I came to know that a very good friend's hubby will be posted to JB for work for awhile and she is feeling rather miserable right now and I feel her miserable-ness... as ironic as it is, the feeling of miserable-ness has inspired me to blog about it.


I hate that miserable feeling. Its yucky! The feeling of knowing that he will need to leave in couple of days. The feeling of not able to see him for the next 1 week, 2 weeks, 3 weeks or more. And all of a sudden, emptiness starts to creeps in and everything seems meaningless. And I feel lost. Things or activities that used to be interesting doesn't seem that interesting afterall.


The moment he is out of the front door, it feel as if all my happiness & meaning of life has suddenly been zapped out of me leaving behind a void which no matter what I do, will still feel the same, i.e. empty. Then the 'how would I survived till he is back?' & 'what shall I be doing while he is gone?' questions will start popping up which will makes me feel even more miserable & lost. Damn the miserable feelings! Oh, not forgetting the lonely dinners too!


I still remember that is exactly how I felt when Harrison has to leave for the first time for a business trip to Japan for about a week. Luckily for me, two days after he left, I was scheduled to be in Malacca for a competition. Nevertheless, the first two days were miserable. I don't know what I should do after work. I don't know where I should go eat. And eating out alone seems super miserable. In the end, maggie mee always seems to be the right choice.


Then come his Germany trip. The first few days was shitty too. It got better after couple of days. But still, it feels like forever till the day he is back.


The longest was his Shanghai trip. 2 weeks I think. It felt miserable too at the beginning. But after couple of days, it doesnt seem that bad at all. And perhaps it was because I was looking forward to my trip to Taiwan on the second week :p So the 'missing' was replaced with 'excitement'. ..hehehehe....


After Shanghai, there were many more trips and by time it reached his latest 10 days in Sydney, I just don't feel miserable anymore. Not that I I don't love him anymore. I do. Just that the 'missing' doesn't come with a miserable/empty feelings anymore. I just feel sad that he has to go away for awhile. But don't worry, I can survive that.


You can say that perhaps I've gotten used to it. So, I'll just go on and do things which I usually does like working out in the gym, facials, massage and catching up with friends or completing abandoned projects. As for dinners, I'll treat myself to yummy quiet dinner somewhere or I would self-invite to friend's place for a hot home cooked meal and hang out (trust me, i've got skin that is thicker than the elephants...).... hehehehe.........


I still remember there was once, while Harrison was away, I went shopping by myself. And after that, I just hopped into my car happily without having a second thought that I've to pay at the autopay first until almost nearing the exit. These are the little things which I always taken for granted. He is the one that take care of all the little things while me, always be the silly me, day dreaming away. With him having to be away once in awhile, I get to refresh my 'being independent' skills........... :p


What I am trying to say is, it will be more bearable once the pattern set in. Afterall, he has to do what he has to do and i.e. for the family, for the future. Least I could do is to take good care of myself so that he'll have a peace of mind.

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